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Critical Kid

by Andrew Durkin

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1.
I know what you wanted Was a simple explanation For a complicated problem But I can't give you that Cuz you gotta deal with drama While you're working any wonders Gotta call them as you see them So we meet up where we're at Nothing turns out like you thought it would Nothing turns out like you thought it would But how do you know that it should? When I was a young man I thought soon I would be happy Didn't know what I was missing As I waited for that day Now that I am older I'm not looking for perfection Cuz the life is in the people That you meet along the way Nothing turns out like you thought it would Nothing turns out like you thought it would But how do you know that it should? Fate is just a copout But that don't mean you can change it You may never find a reason For the royal runaround I just keep on trying As I settle with the season And if I don't get not wiser That'll have to do for now Nothing turns out like you thought it would Nothing turns out like you thought it would But how do you know that it should?
2.
The Cage 03:44
My heart is in a cage And that's where it will stay Til the liberation day When you tear the cage away You'll find it where we stood You'll find it cuz you could I'm not saying I'm no good But my heart is in a cage Denial is my drug It keeps me from thinking of All the claims I make on love All the ways I flee your touch I can't relax at all Behind this gilded wall I may never hear the call Cuz denial is my drug And I don't want to be in this prison no more It's the darkest place that I've been Every time I see you I want to feel the feeling again Let it in I dreamed a falling star It flashes where we are It can only fly so far It can only burn so hard The world is turning fast And so nothing ever lasts Now you see it, now it's past And I dreamed a falling star And life's a broken stone On which the river flows Watching where the water goes Is the only thing I know I'll see you down the line When your current crosses mine Maybe we can flow with time Cuz a life's a broken stone I don't want to be in this prison no more It's the darkest place that I've been Every time I see you I want to feel the feeling again Let it in
3.
You can say what you want to But I'm probably gonna take it wrong That's the state that I've come to Better hope it doesn't last for long Go ahead and be offended But there's nothing else that I can do Cuz the truth is that you don't know what I've been through You can try to uplift me But there's no way that I can explain What it's like to be listening to another expert on the pain While my head is slowly pounding That's the only thing that's getting through and the truth is that you don't know what I've been through And I can't get out of my own head Like I can't get out of my own bed And the good advice it just runs red in my mind And I can't get out of my own head Like I can't get out of my own bed And the good advice it just runs red in my mind I don't know why I'm feeling All the pain that's coming out today I won't blame you for leaving Or for looking off the other way I just hope that you remember When the tables turn around to you That the truth is that you don't know what I've been through Yeah, I hope that you remember When the tables turn around to you That the truth is that you don't know what I've been through
4.
That Mistake 03:01
I have seen the city lights Fade away into the night And I have looked to the sky for a sign But I won't do that again I have lived on the open road Believed in every lie that I was told Paid for it all with my heart and soul But I won't do that again And I won't make that mistake again No, I won't make that mistake again And it feels like I'm starting again When the morning comes and and the feeling fades Disappointment gets right up in your face When are you finally going to say No I won't do that again And I may have stepped out of bounds Run my chances into the ground Given up hope of hope sticking around But I won't do that again And I won't make that mistake again No, I won't make that mistake again And it feels like I'm starting again Yeah, it feels like I'm starting again Yeah, it feels like I'm starting again Starting again
5.
Obvious 03:31
I thought I caught up with my own worst enemy I had him trapped in the alleyway Until someone hit the light, I was blinded in the night And so the bastard got away You say "Whatever you do, don't look down, son, Because the danger is overhead." So I fall on my face and I lose my place And then I do it all again How many fires do I have to start Before I can feel the heat How long do I have to shock my heart Before I can feel the beat Why do I always buy the lie that it's me instead of us When will I finally figure out what was always obvious I couldn't tell you what I think about where I am I don't even know where that could be It's not like everybody else is doing that well Or even doing better than me But when I finally get to that rock bottom What if I don't ever want to leave What if I settle down in the cold hard ground And start forgetting what I really need How many fires do I have to start Before I can feel the heat How long do I have to shock my heart Before I can feel the beat Why do I always buy the lie that it's me instead of us When will I finally figure out what was always obvious They say that everything is for a reason And mister, who am I to disagree But how long should I wait until it feels that way And like I'm finally where I need to be How many fires do I have to start Before I can feel the heat How long do I have to shock my heart Before I can feel the beat Why do I always buy the lie that it's me instead of us When will I finally figure out what was always obvious
6.
On the Line 02:59
Now that we're here together With something that we can't escape And all of the bad decisions Are coming back to have their day When the truth is hard on you Are you gonna run away Will your love shine Will your love shine When you've got nothing on the line Will your love shine Will your love shine When you've got nothing on the line It's no use to remember If we don't remember right It's no use in going to sleep If we don't make it through the night You never know what you're up against If you cannot face a fight Will your love shine Will your love shine When you've got nothing on the line Will your love shine Will your love shine When you've got nothing on the line We can make a promise We can seal it with a kiss But when the dust comes settling down Will it settle over this And when you cannot take the pain Do you have something left to give Will your love shine Will your love shine When you've got nothing on the line Will your love shine Will your love shine When you've got nothing on the line
7.
I heard a preacher on the radio He was saying what he didn't know He sounded wrong no matter how he tried The signal faded, then the signal died I saw an anchor on a TV show She had a bomb that was about to blow She couldn't find a way to keep it lit Sometimes you gotta know what the story is And it's a beautiful illusion but it's still just a lie Beautiful illusion I told you the first time And you are losing til you just let it go Even if it's everything you think you know I heard an echo in the hallowed halls I heard the lonely voices in the walls How many errors can a human make How much delusion can a thinking person take You can't rely on what you hope is true You can't avoid what you have gotta go through I might be waiting til you get it right I might be wandering away into the night And it's a beautiful illusion but it's still just a lie Beautiful illusion I told you the first time And you are losing til you just let it go Even if it's everything you think you know
8.
All I ever asked of you Was to look into the mirror Try to see the pain that's showing through And the light that's getting clearer Someday you will have to find the words You really want to say While everything goes on in the same old way All I ever asked of you Was to find out what you needed Tell me why the best that you can do Is the least that you conceded Are you gonna make the same mistake Each and every day While everything goes on in the same old way You're just wasting time And some of it is mine You're just wasting time And some of it is mine As the days go by I'm about to lose my mind But I'm not leaving it behind All I ever asked of you Was to face up to your demons Even if the only place you knew Was the one you should be leaving You don't have to cut the ties But you don't have to stay While everything goes on in the same old way All I ever asked of you Was to give yourself some credit Any time you try to hide the truth It'll sink you if you let it You'll get there in your own good time And that's the price you pay Or everything goes on in the same old way You're just wasting time And some of it is mine You're just wasting time And some of it is mine As the days go by I'm about to lose my mind But I'm not leaving it behind I'm not leaving it behind I'm not leaving it behind
9.
All the simple answers that you looked for in the past And all the work you do to stay on the easier path All the redemption that you pray for each night under the stars That is only gonna get us so far And all the times you count on a run of good luck Though even you can never fill this half-empty cup Fair-weather friends will be waiting for you out in the bar But I don't ever want to be how they are Don't ask me to do it I don't have what it takes I don't know where we're going But I know that it aches How can I help you if you won't help yourself How can I help you if you won't help yourself I'm not gonna tell you what you wanna hear And I'm not gonna act as though there's nothing to fear Don't hold it against me if I don't agree to the agreeable part I could never lie to you in my heart Don't ask me to do it I don't have what it takes I don't know where we're going But I know that it aches How can I help you if you won't help yourself How can I help you if you won't help yourself How can I help you if you won't help yourself How can I help you if you won't help yourself
10.
Critical Kid 04:30
We'll deal with it in the morning It's just another crisis without warning And I'm used to those There's a bad cloud hanging above We don't have any luck left to run out of It had somewhere to go I'm not gonna take it but what if I did Nobody listens to the critical kid All I can do is hold what I knew isn't that you Are the assholes everlasting Don't look at me like that, I'm only asking Cuz I gotta know Everybody's on the border All just trying to put up with a tall order That only wants to grow I'm not gonna take it but what if I did Nobody listens to the critical kid All I can do is hold what I knew isn't that you I don't have anymore room For the dread and the doom I don't have anymore space For everything coming our way I'm not gonna take it but what if I did Nobody listens to the critical kid All I can do is hold what I knew isn't that you I don't have anymore room For the dread and the doom I don't have anymore space For everything coming our way

about

Portland-based musician Andrew Durkin, best known as the leader of the avant-garde big band Industrial Jazz Group, returns to his rock roots with Critical Kid, a collection of soul-searching original songs debuting his distinctive lead vocals and a “fresh, confident sound” (Various Small Flames). The album also features the guitar and production wizardry of Leo McClusky, the powerful drumming of Oregon Music Hall of Famer Dennis Carter, and an assortment of top Portland session bassists.

Now fifty-four, Durkin never considered fronting a rock band until recently. He’d spent the bulk of his career writing thorny, complex, comic, mostly instrumental music for the world-class musicians of Industrial Jazz Group—touring the world and releasing five albums to critical acclaim. He’d also written for other ensembles, like the celebrated Quadraphonnes sax quartet and the Portland Jazz Composers Ensemble.

But when the inevitable burnout of keeping a big band on the road took its toll, Durkin turned to making music that was both simpler and more direct, inspired by the classic song craft of artists like Warren Zevon, Alejandro Escovedo, Chuck Prophet, Freedy Johnston, John Hiatt, and others. Although he intended to find another vocalist for this new material, after hearing the demos, McClusky, who has known Durkin since grade school, convinced the songwriter to sing his own songs on the record too.

“It never occurred to me,” Durkin says. “I’d been singing for myself all my life, as part of my writing process. But I never let other people hear it or thought I should.” The decision to take McClusky’s advice gives this new collection a gritty, breathy, emotional edge. “My voice is flawed,” Durkin says, “but I don’t sound like anyone else.”

credits

released August 25, 2023

words and music by Andrew Durkin
copyright 2020–2022 Understory Music, BMI

Personnel:

Andrew Durkin: vocals, electric and acoustic guitars, piano
Leo McClusky: vocals, electric and acoustic guitars, synth
Dennis Carter: drums and percussion
Benjamin Medler: bass (tracks 1 and 3)
Andrew Jones: bass (tracks 2, 6, 7, 10)
Timmer Blakely: bass (tracks 4, 5, 8)
Albert Reda: bass (track 9)
Elaine McClusky: snaps and handclaps (tracks 2 and 7)

Mixed and mastered by Dennis Carter
Produced by Andrew Durkin and Leo McClusky

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Andrew Durkin Portland, Oregon

Andrew Durkin is a singer-songwriter based in Portland, Oregon. He is also a novelist.

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